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| Via Getty Images |
Eastern Conference:
1. Miami Heat: Will LeBron be completely bald by the end of this NBA season?
2. Chicago Bulls: Is 9.8 the reason why Derrick Rose is so good?
3. New York Knicks: Can Tyson Chandler guard every member of the opposing team?
4. Boston Celtics: Are the Celtics really going to finish second in their division behind the Knicks?
5. Philadelphia 76ers: Did you know that Lou Williams drops rhymes to go with his dimes?
6. Orlando Magic: How many times will Dwight Howard say that he is happy in Orlando before he gets traded?
7. Indiana Pacers: Will Roy Hibbert come out extra motivated this season after Entertainment 720 crashed and burned during the offseason?
8. Atlanta Hawks: When are the Hawks going to amnesty Joe Johnson? Next season? Two seasons from now? It's coming.
9. Milwaukee Bucks: How many times will Brandon Jennings change his Twitter handle this season?
10. Toronto Raptors: Have you seen how bad the bottom six teams are in the Eastern Conference? Sheesh. Also have you seen the ugliest jerseys ever made?
11. Washington Wizards: Who thought that assembling a team, which includes Andray Blatche, JaVale McGee, Nick Young and Jordan Crawford was a good idea?
12. Detroit Pistons: Remember when the Pistons made six Eastern Conference finals in-a-row? Seriously though Brandon Knight, Austin Daye and Greg Monroe might turn out to be a good enough core to get them back their someday.
13. New Jersey Nets: How many more Williams' can the Nets acquire before seasons end?
14. Cleveland Cavaliers: How much does Antawn Jamison hate life right now?
15. Charlotte Bobcats: Seriously, is Michael Jordan the best player right now within the Bobcats organization?
Western Conference:
1. Oklahoma City Thunder: Can Russell Westbrook live with being the second option? Also, is Kendrick Perkins starving himself this offseason good for his game?
2. Dallas Mavericks: Why the hell did Shawn Marion bleach his hair?
3. Los Angeles Clippers: How long until Lob City becomes the most overused phrase in the NBA? Also who is going to catch more lobs, DeAndre Jordan or Blake Griffin? My money is on DeAndre.
4. Memphis Grizzlies: How is Rudy Gay going to fit in? Beautifully, is the answer that I am hoping for.
5. Denver Nuggets: Can the Nuggets survive without Wilson Chandler, JR Smith and Kenyon Martin? Probably.
6. Los Angeles Lakers: Did I purposely make the Lakers the 6th seed so that they would play the Clippers in the first round of my hypothetical playoffs? Yup.
7. San Antonio Spurs: How many more seasons does The Big Fundamental have left in him?
8. Portland Trailblazers: Can the authors at Love Boat Sports possibly mention Greg Oden's penis again?
9. Utah Jazz: What are the Jazz going to do with Paul Millsap, Al Jefferson, Enes Kanter and Derrick Favors? This team has a chance to be sneaky good.
10. Houston Rockets: Is there any chance that Kevin Martin doesn't count how many points he has in his head during games this season?
11. Golden State Warriors: Can Mark Jackson make the Warriors play defense?
12. Minnesota Timberwolves: You do realize how much fun this team is going to be, right? Rubio, K-Love, B-Easy, JJ Barea, Derrick Williams...DARKO.
13. Phoenix Suns: Can the Suns please, please, please trade Steve Nash to a contender this season? Maybe he should just go play for the Whitecaps.
14. Sacramento Kings: JIMMER JIMMER JIMMER JIMMER JIMMER JIMMER JIMMER. Is that a question?
15. New Orleans Hornets: Have you ever seen sadder faces?
(Incase it wasn't clear I ranked teams in order from best to worst inside their conference)
Happy Holidays Y'all!
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